In honor of that day 20 years ago, we spent the entire day together just having fun. We reflected on the past 20 years. We looked at old pictures, we told stories, we laughed, we questioned why on a few things that have happened in our lives. We shared two fabulous meals. We visited the site of the soon to open world renowned Crystal Bridges Museum.

And then we went to the movies. But this was not just any movie. This was a movie about life. About the very fabric of why we are here. About our marriages, our children, our work, and our faith. About being COURAGEOUS in living with great purpose in each of those arenas of life.

You may be familiar with the organization that also brought us the movies Fireproof and Facing the Giants. These are powerful examples of using media to impact our culture in positive ways.

For men and women, but especially Dad’s, take the time this weekend to see this movie. I find it impossible to believe that your life at home and at work will not be profoundly impacted.

Proverbs 22:6

Monday night, I attended an incredible event…Raise the Bar Rally in northwest Arkansas. The organizing team, led by ESPN’s Jimmy Dykes, were praying for 700 men to come to a night of hope, challenge and change.

1,400 showed up! Four men shared personal real life stories that were as real and painful and direct as you can imagine. In addition, several current and former University of Arkansas coaches and athletes shared challenges via video.

Of all of the impactful words spoken, Jimmy Dykes shared one that really stuck with me. Watching the game film. He talked about how painful it is to see the mistakes you made and to see how you can get better. But that wasn’t the challenge. The challenge was “what are you going to do about it?” You have to act to get better!

Can you take some time this week to get quiet…and watch your game film? Where do you need to raise the bar? Write it down. Pray about it. Ask God for the wisdom to know what to do…and the courage to do it!

“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”   James 1:22

That is especially true of our work and our marriage. If you stop and think about it, work has almost every element you can think of to damage your marriage:

1. Long hours
2. Pressure to deliver
3. Pride from success
4. Close working relationships with the opposite sex
5. Heavy travel  (freedom to…)

We can talk work related affairs, work as our God (really?), work to gain respect and admiration … you can fill in the blanks.

We have to be intentional about this subject. If we just let gravity happen, the world will pull us down. We have to take our marriage to work with us. And then we have to take our marriage home with us.

Let me share a great resource with you today that can help you. Michael Hyatt, Chairman of Thomas Nelson Publishers, writes a killer blog. Read what he says about WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE?

Lord, today, give us a fresh perspective on how our work and our marriage dramatically affect each other. Challenge us to make some changes to strengthen both. Amen…

Our work is demanding and full of pressures. We strive to be the best husbands and wives possible. Many of us have children who we deeply desire to spend time with. Some of us serve, but so often that gets back-burnered. Some make church a priority, others fit it in if possible (try having a child involved in competitive sports). And the list goes on.

Do you need help?

Last month we had a powerful message on Legacy at our Eight to Five marketplace ministry. Mark Saviers, partner in Sage Partners, took us back to the basics. It was so refreshing. (Listen to Mark’s message)

1 + 1 = 2 … it is a simple, predictable equation.

If we wake up, work out (or not), eat breakfast, and run out the door … we will have a fairly predictable outcome.

What if we added one element to that equation… a few minutes of time alone with our Father … again, I believe we will have a fairly predictable outcome.

One will yield a day spent grinding. The other a day spent grounded.

After Mark’s message, he handed me a simple booklet (50 pages) that is a powerful tool for helping us get back to the basics of a quiet time with God. It is appropriately titled, Quiet Time, by Bill Smith. You can call 501-224-3238 to order a copy (only $5).

I need 1 + 1 = 2 in my life. I need to be grounded so that I have a fighting chance to reflect Christ in my life, especially at work.

Do you?

Pick up the book…see if some quiet time spent each day reading the Bible and praying and listening will help you find 1 + 1 = 2.

Chick-fil-A president addresses discrimination reports

MeatPoultry.com. Jan. 31, 2011

“I feel strongly about the need to clarify some things,” he said. “In recent weeks, we have been accused of being anti-gay. We have no agenda against anyone. At the heart and soul of our company, we are a family business that serves and values all people regardless of their beliefs or opinions. We seek to treat everyone with honor, dignity and respect, and believe in the importance of loving your neighbor as yourself.

“We also believe in the need for civility in dialogue with others who may have different beliefs,” he added. “While my family and I believe in the Biblical definition of marriage, we love and respect anyone who disagrees.”
Chick-fil-A has a long history of trying to encourage and strengthen marriages and families, he continued, both within the Chick-fil-A system and with its customers.

“My father and our founder/CEO, Truett Cathy, is a role model for the Cathy family and all those who have joined Chick-fil-A,” Cathy said. “His personal and business values have always reflected a belief in the importance of marriage and family. We have seen these principles honored powerfully in Dad’s marriage of more than 63 years to our mother, Jeannette, and those of his family, including my wife, Rhonda, and me in our 37 years of marriage.

“At Chick-fil-A, we have a heart for helping marriages because we know marriage can be difficult at times,” Cathy said. “Through the years, we have supported our Chick-fil-A staff and franchised Operators in their marriage journey, and since the formation of our family foundation, the WinShape Foundation, we have helped others as well. Primarily through WinShape, we have supported summer camps for girls and boys, 14 foster homes, more than $26 million in college scholarships and the development and operation of the WinShape Marriage Retreat Center.”

Some recent coverage has incorrectly reported that the company requires potential franchisees to discuss their church involvement, Cathy said. “In addition, we do not require this in our franchisee selection process nor do we require a pledge to follow Christian values for the college scholarships we provide,” he added.

“Chick-fil-A’s corporate purpose is ‘To glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us, and to have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-fil-A,’” Cathy continued. “As a result, we will not champion any political agendas on marriage and family. This decision has been made, and we understand the importance of it. At the same time, we will continue to offer resources to strengthen marriages and families. To do anything different would be inconsistent with our purpose and belief in Biblical principles.”

As this week gets underway, make sure the ones closest to you are not getting the leftovers of your time and attention.  The demands of work will at times be overwhelming, but please do not allow them to become what matters most.  We are so vulnerable to all kinds of failure when we allow  work to become the most important thing.  Pray for wisdom and guidance in regards to the amount of time you are investing in your relationship with your spouse versus the time invested in work.  This balance can be so easily  upset and if not attended to can have devastating consequences.

Seek the counsel of your spouse as to what they think regarding the time you are spending at work and listen carefully to what they say.  Please take some time at the beginning of this week to pray for and with your spouse for your marriage.

Blessings!

It was very nice to meet you and listen to your inspirational talk…the topic is something I came face-to-face with some time ago.

My wife of 40 years, was diagnosed with a cancer some 18 or 20 years ago. Dealing with the emotions that go with hearing the word “cancer” come from the mouth of a loved one was tough enough but, after the treatment and much personal consultation with each other and prayer, we decided the potential for other cancer in the future was greater if she chose to get additional radiation and other treatments. So we decided to trust the Lord to do his will and chose not to have additional radiation and other treatments. Thankfully his will was that she would still be with me some 18 years later…thank God.

The part I related to in your talk was the part about work and living. After her surgery, she had a lot of time to think about “What if it comes back?” “What if I don’t survive this?”. She obviously thought very seriously about it and had published her thoughts about it all in our computer at home. I happened to be working on my computer at home one evening after they had gone to bed and happened upon two letters saved as “A Letter to my daughter” and “A Letter to my husband”. Both letters were her thoughts of our life together, our love together, and her concern not knowing if she would be there to watch her daughter grow up or watch her grandchildren grow up. I was compelled to open the letters and read them.

The letter to my daughter was the one that had the most impact on my life….she in one sentence made me realize that life is about LIVING not WORKING! She very simply told my daughter to “remind your dad that he should work to live, not live to work”. It struck me very hard when I thought of why she would have said that, but as are most husbands/fathers who feel an obligation to be “successful” and “provide for their family” I was spending a lot more time trying to be successful at my job/career than I was being the husband and father that I could, and should, have been.

My attitude about work, jobs and “careers” changed from that night on. My wife of 40 years is still an inspiration to me and “my best friend” in the world. In our life together we have found that the Lord will take care of the needs, or even the wants, but maybe not exactly as we would expect or want all the time. After all, he knows our needs better than we do and knows what is best for us…we just have to trust and be open to his will.

Again, thanks for your thoughts…it let me be reminded of this special time in my life and how lucky we are to have others who love us and accept us…warts and all! God Bless.

Roth note: what a story! But also beware…some people take this idea to the next level and make strong assumptions and decisions that “work is bad”. That it “doesn’t matter”. I could not disagree more. It matters greatly in God’s will for our world. BUT, we must work hard to make sure that our work doesn’t consume us, and that our relationship with God and our families comes first!

So what does R&R stand for? How about Restoration and Renewal!

As many of you know, we just completed our 2010 Leadership Conference where over 1,500 leaders invested in their futures. Two days later was Mother’s Day. The day after that was one of those “decade” birthdays for my wife Theresa. We needed some R&R. And we were blessed to be able to get away and celebrate her life, our marriage, and to simply…rest. 

I was amazed at how badly we needed restoration. Each morning, I would get up early, sit on our deck and just have some great thinking time. It was a time of great restoration for me. A time to pray and read and write the blessings of my life. I could begin to feel God’s renewal that we all need so badly from time to time.

So how about you? What do you have planned this summer to restore and renew?

Would you like a great jump-start? Two years ago, Steve Graves spoke at our June Eight-to-Five event on “The Summer of Your Life: Making Progress Where It Matters Most“. Give it a listen. It will inspire your summer R&R.

http://www.workmatters.org/events/eight_to_five_unplugged/listen_to_speakers

Lord, we try so hard to do our work with excellence. We push so hard to lead at home in our marriages, our parenting, our friendships, and our serving. Will you give us the wisdom to see R&R and the courage to go get it. Amen

That is true in all aspects of our work, but it is especially true when we travel. There is a long standing set of rules and practices that seem to unfold on the road, isn’t there? And, the most difficult practices seem to take place at the end of the day.

There are always customers and/or co-workers who want to go have a drink, which leads to a long dinner and more drinks. Sometimes dinner includes both men and women. Sometimes the group wants to go somewhere after dinner. It’s especially difficult if it’s your prospect or customer who wants to go.

In this economy, we often have a lot on the line on these trips, don’t we? We don’t want to risk damaging a relationship. It could cost us a sale, a promotion or simply credibility. Or it could cost us more…like our marriage.

These difficult situations put us at a decision point, don’t they? Are we going to be a lukewarm believer? Or, will we trust the teachings in the Bible?

What will your story be?

Don’t do as the wicked do, and don’t follow the path of evildoers. Don’t even think about it; don’t go that way. Turn away and keep moving.                                         Proverbs 4:14-15   (NLT)

As I sit in my hotel room in Dallas, TX, I am contemplating why Solomon, presumably the wisest man to ever live, invested three chapters of Proverbs on the subject of adultery? Actually, that’s just a rhetorical question. I think we all know why.

I am certainly not a marriage counselor, but for the last few years I have had several close friends who have gone through separations, divorces and restored marriages. Adultery has often been involved. I have learned to try not to be judgmental of “the event”; but rather, focus on what we can do to better prepare ourselves and our marriages against it. 

For starters, I believe we must recognize that our work can be a significant launching pad. We spend 50% of our lives there. Over 70% of married couples both work. We spend long hours and multiple days with both men and women, building friendships and relationships. We must be on guard for the slightest crack in the door for our Enemy to start planting seeds.

Second, we must feed on God’s word and on wisdom. Proverbs gives us both!

Third, we must recognize temptations or situations which could put us in temptation. Walk away!

Last, focus on the result of the moment, not the moment.

Look long and hard at your work. What are your blind spots? Be proactive in guarding your heart!

Lord, this is a very personal, very difficult subject. Yet you talk about it over and over in your Word. Open our eyes and hearts to our danger spots. Give us the wisdom to know what’s right and the courage to do what’s right, even when it’s hard…Amen

NOTE: If you would like to go deeper on this issue, let me invite you to go back to Day 5 and read the Randy Alcorn blog post that Sam Bates included in his post.